Last night I lay fully clothed (in my comfy clothes), covered by a blanket and down comforter, drinking spiked hot chocolate, eating chocolate covered potato chips, and muttering to myself “winter is coming.”* This is not normal behavior for me.
I am not sure what has got me so down this year. I woke up grumpy yesterday and begged my husband to take the girls to his parents for the new year weekend. Instead of utilizing focus moments and therapy techniques, I rolled my eyes and told the girls to get over it when they fought. Instead of leaving the tree up until New Year’s Day like usual, I started pulling the tinsel off.
Post Christmas Depression is the armchair diagnosis but that’s not it. Christmas was pretty great. We hosted and though I was secretly in agony from a bad flare up, I muddled through by just forgetting everything else that I had to do (sorry local blog, sorry niece who never received last Christmas gift, sorry relatives and friends who usually receive cards from me) and concentrating on family. We hosted my husband’s family for the first time and I think it went well. Christmas dinner was kind of a bust but everyone skimmed over that and just drank more wine instead, hurrah.
And usually I love this post Christmas week. I hit all the sales, go crazy cleaning the house, sit by the lighted Christmas tree finishing off the last of the holiday booze and goodies so I can start the new year off fresh and sober like, and spend way too much time composing my (never to be done) resolutions.
But this year I just want to sit under the blankets and eat chocolate covered potato chips. Which just end up making me feel yucky.
A note about those chocolate covered potato chips. I am an extremely hard person to buy gifts for. It is a burden for my husband. Two years ago he bought my chocolate covered potato chips from our local candy store. I ate a few and liked them and now I get them every Christmas in my stocking. They are not as good when you have to eat the entire bag. They put the chocolate on too thick and they make me feel sick (rhyme intentional.)
Yet under the blanket I sit eating them. I think I have SAD (Seasonal Affective Disorder) or DOWD (Dread of Winter Disorder which I just made up). This makes no sense as I lived in Minnesota for a year and frackin** loved winter. I loved the snow; I loved my down coat that kept me warm in twenty below; I loved walking through tunnels to get everywhere; I loved it all. Besides the fact that it nearly turned me into an alcoholic (it gets dark at like twelve thirty and obviously when it’s dark you should start drinking), there was nothing I hated about the great frozen North’s winters.
But the Midwest winters depress me. It’s nothing but coldish (over thirty, under fifty) weather that makes you shiver but is not enough to warrant wearing a down coat (unless you want people to mock you), dead snowless grass, and pointless snow days where the streets are clear by nine but my kids are still home with me all day bored out of their little skulls. Let me point out that in Minnesota there was NOT ONE snow day and children in the elementary school across the street routinely (ROUTINELY) played outside in frigid weather. I observed them safe behind my window as I sat on the radiator drinking my one o’clock hot chocolate with Kahlua.
So instead of doing my usual new year prep routine of eating/drinking, cleaning, and resoluting I am instead just laying in bed under blankets doing the first one. I consider this to be okay since I am a bona fide suffered of DOWD. Tomorrow I will plan my nervous breakdown.
*Yes that was a Game of Thrones reference. Over the past year I have morphed into a total nerd.
**Confirmation of above, BG reference.