Flashback Friday : Take Me to My Happy Place

This is a post from my original and now defunct mommy blog “They Are So Cute When They Are Sleeping… It’s Only When They Are Awake That I Want to Kill Them.” Enjoy!

THURSDAY, SEPTEMBER 24, 2009

The biggest shock to me after going through infertility and all the pain and longing for kids is how much I sometimes hate being a mom.

Those first few bleary weeks when I hardly slept and would be crying at three in the morning because Desmonda would not sleep unless I held the pacifier in her mouth and Calamity Jane just wouldn’t sleep at all were gosh darnit, HARD. As I cried my dear husband would turn to me and say “Remember, you wanted this” which somehow was comforting.

Though if he said it to me now I would probably want to smack him.

The “I wanted this” mantra worked for the first year or so but as the the girls have gotten older and the tantrums have gotten more intense I have had to step it up by replaying all the happy times in my head just to remind myself why I wanted/want it (much like I have had to replay my best of when I am not in the mood… if you know what I mean.)

So during the screeching I think about all of those sublime moments of motherhood (having them snuggle on my lap as I sing “You Are My Sunshine”, laying on quilts and looking at the clouds, watching their first movie on a rainy afternoon, seeing them break into a smile when they see me) and the replaying takes me to my happy place.

Especially on a late afternoon like this one where most of the day has consisted of arguments over toys and chasing of the dog with maniacal glee. And Desmonda repeating “I want to Go! Go! Go! I want to Go!” ad nauseum. By the way Desmonda, go WHERE?! Just tell me and I will gladly take you there if only to escape from the endless whining for a few blessed moments.

But there is no answer on where to go, only definitely not on the potty. Because both adamantly refuse to even think about going near the potty and I will be changing diapers until I am forty, why did I even bother using cloth…
Happy Place!
Sunshine!
Quilts!
Ahhhhhhh!

Until the cycle starts again.My husband, after being left alone with them for an afternoon while I run errands (read: go to Target and wander around aimlessly for hours) or when I take a shower (Sunday morning showers = best twenty minutes of my week), often tells me “Damn this is hard”. Yes honey, that’s why I am twenty pounds overweight and a borderline alcoholic. When the happy place doesn’t work, I turn to wine and her best friend Snacky.

Lately though the stress eating and drinking is getting to me. I feel sluggish and more grumpy. Okay not really, that’s something I read in one of the numerous “women” magazines i get. Actually I was horrified by the little donut I was sporting in all the pictures from my recent girls weekend. And I am not talking about the chocolate covered kind (chocolate donut with sprinkles, droool Homer style-see this is my problem.)

So like all my healthy streaks, this one is fueled by vanity. For now, no more stress eating and for as long as I can do it, no more wine (two whole days, no applause please). So my happy place needs a new addition. Yoga for me and the kids? A babysitter? Maybe that Baptist preschool wouldn’t be so bad?

In case none of these ideas work out: where is your happy place?
Footnote: Still working on that donut, back on the wine.

Comments

  1. LOL have I told you before I love your sense of humor. I think I am one of those whacked out moms because for me the early/newborn/baby years were my favorite. I rocked the whole lactating zombie look and I would much rather deal with those days then now that they are older and can argue with me.

    I have three kids and I very rarely get to take a shower by myself so that’s never been my alone time. Mine is after the kids go to bed, or if I am lucky before they wake up.

    • Thanks Shana! I think very few people “get me” so I always appreciate when they do. I often think back to the breastfeeding/baby stages and wonder why I thought they were so bad….

      • I feel the same way. Not many people get me. Guess that just makes us a rare breed of awesome.

        A lot of the time things seem harder while they are happening but as we watch our babies grow it makes us miss the simpler days. I have this weird feeling that will only get worse the older they get LOL

  2. Ha, love this!

  3. I’ve always admired how a parent, usually a woman, can parallel process to a degree I cannot, by which I mean that they can do a stack of things at one time, including looking after a bunch of kids. As a university lecturer I’ve seen them hold down a job, manage a household, raise their family [sometimes alone], pursue sporting interests, and do a uni course AND get assignments in on time. This is a wonder to me and I have nothing but admiration for them.

    I am in fact in awe of them. When I used to look after my two little girls while their mother was away I could do absolutely nothing except for look after two little girls. Housework, research, marking essays etc – not a bloody chance. Just keeping two little ones amused and keeping my sanity – both very hard to do.

    I dips me lid to the parent who can juggle life so skilfully. I couldn’t – though to be fair, if I were going to manage life alone with kids, I guess I’d have learned how to.

    @deniswright

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