Fight! Fight! Fight!

how to stop fighting kids

This morning I was once again awakened by the gentle, dulcet tones of World War Three, aka a twin fight. These two girls of mine love each other so much but you could never tell it from their almost constant fighting. This morning, I just could not take it anymore and ended up sending them both to their rooms and declaring it a screen free day. But they can’t stay apart forever and let’s face it, mama needs them to have screen time again at some point. So, tell me internets, what can I do?

Part of the problem is that I am so not used to this. I am five years younger than my older sister and she pretty much dominated my life. As I said at Christmas, I don’t think she has ever let me sit in the front seat. Like ever. Not even on my wedding day.

My younger sister arrived six years after I was born and while I was not a fan, so died at three before any full blown rivalry could emerge. My husband assures me that he and his sister fought almost constantly, even physically, much like my girls do. But they are not close at all and that’s not what I want for my two.

And again, the fighting, oh the fighting. It’s driving me insane.

What I want is for it to lessen (I am not asking for it to stop) and also for my girls to have a closer, “I got your back” kind of relationship. I feel like the fighting makes it easier for them to kind of turn on each other when they are with other kids. And I feel like the change needs to be made now, before they get any older.


  1. Kate, I wish I had the answer. Our children are grown and yes, they fought. I heard and tried so many ideas. My parents wanted twelve children and had two of us eleven years apart. After listening to our children battle it out they decided maybe raising two “only” children wasn’t all bad. 🙂 Hang in there. I do think it gets better as they get older and learn to the value of talking out their differences. Blessings in the daily – I remember the challenge well.

    • Thanks for responding Deb. Sometimes just hearing that your kids are not the only ones helps! Are your kids close now that they are grown?

  2. I am a twin. My sister and I are very close (we’re in our late 30’s) but man did we have some nasty fights. From experience and other twins I know this is very common for twins their age. What decreased the fighting for us is that family members were very cognizant to treat as individuals rather than a unit.

    • Thanks for your insight! I love hearing from twins. You guys are the only ones who really get it what my kids have. We moved them to their own rooms last year and I do think that has helped. What I really want to concentrate on this year is finding their own niches and their own friends.

  3. I am hoping to find a solution to the constant fighting too. My oldest two are 16 months apart and fight over everything. One time they argued over whose sand was whose at the beach!! I’m an only and totally unprepared for this level of sibling rivalry. I feel your pain!

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