Thank you to Silk Fruit & Protein beverage for sponsoring my post on how to wake up your breakfast routine!
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Well, I have finally emerged from my post-Valentine’s Day hangover. Unfortunately, this hangover did not involve any champagne. No, instead I was reeling from the sugar rush of food color/HFCS laden candy and the shame of not-crafty motherhood. I ask you, when did Valentine’s Day morph from a day for disappointed lovers and smug flower receivers to a mini celebration for kids?

I know I am not alone in this sentiment. Uber mommy blogger and internet friend Jill of BabyRabies responded to the critics via her blog post It Goes Both Ways. And I get it, I totally do. Childhood is fun and only happens once. And while I don’t resent moms like Jill for their effort (side note: I do resent her for her mad writing skills and ability to look adorable at all times), I am tired of the massive celebration that every special day seems to entail.

Because my kids had just recovered from their Christmas sugar haze when February rolled around. It doesn’t help that their birthday is the week before Valentine’s Day. So with their birthday party, school celebrations, and dream trip they were feted for four straight days.

I knew they were getting a bit entitled when they woke up yesterday and demanded a present and a cupcake.

But who can blame them? After all, Valentine’s night found me not snuggled on the couch with my husband staring into his eyes while we sipped red wine. Instead, I was cleaning fun dip sugar off the floor while muttering to myself over indulgent parents and their love of mass produced candy. Don’t they know I am an aspiring hippie who only allows organic candy into my house? (Sarcasm alert)

Seriously though, can’t we dial it down a notch? Do our kids really need mini packages of gifts and candy taped to cards? Do they need the stickers, the tattoos, the endless amounts of Valentine candy? This morning as I sat on the bed eating fun-size candies and forlornly tooting a mini pink whistle, because of course it’s a four day weekend and the girls want nothing to do with me, I thought about the pumped up Valentine’s Day my girls had experienced. And thought: enough!

So I am pledging: next year there will be no goody bags, no presents, no balloons. Instead I will be happy with the store-bought fold-over valentines that my kids may have or may have not scribbled their name on. If they want to write their friends name on a heart and call it a day, I will be cool with that. I will not try and forge their name with crayons.

Now I just need to get the rest of you overachieving parents on board.

Every night at dinner we ask the girls to tell us about their day. Usually we don’t get much out out of them but still we try. The key is asking very pointed questions…

Did you like your lunch?
What did you make in art class?
Who did you play with at recess?

Today that last question prompted a candid and open, in the way only a five year old can be, telling of how Calamity Jane had told Desmonda Drama she didn’t want to play with her. And how she had told Desmonda to go away. This was all from Calamity Jane be the way. Desmonda looked sad and said it hurt her feelings.

I wanted to punch Calamity Jane and hug Desmonda Drama. I wanted to circle Calamity Jane in my arms and coach her on a better way to say things. I wanted to shake Desmonda Drama and tell her to stand up for herself. It’s a constant battle of the twin mom. You want to be soft and strong all at the same time. And you want that to happen simultaneously for both kids.

Though I did spend a few minutes varying between soft (“oh honey, that’s not nice!”) and strong (“Your sister is your best friend and you always need to be there for her. It’s okay not to want to play with her but it’s not okay to tell her to get away from you and your friends”, in the end I managed to pull it together and strike a balance between the two. With a lot of help from my husband, I should add.

What do you do, veteran parents, when you want to be soft and strong all at once? Or do you pick one and go with it?
If you’re a picker, add what you go with here on Charmin’s Soft or Strong poll.

About the Charmin 2012 Election:
Charmin launches a campaign of its own this election year by asking fans across the country to
vote for their favorite Charmin. In honor of National Toilet Paper Day, the Charmin 2012 Election
kicked off in Flushing, Queens and will live on Facebook until October 20th. Every vote counts!
Visit facebook.com/Charmin to learn more about the Ultra Soft and Ultra Strong.

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“Today was a tough day, tomorrow will be better.”

This quote from Lily’s Purple Plastic Purse is said often in our household. As the girls get older, their behavior is starting to be less influenced by their special needs and more influenced by their personality. Which is of course lovely and heartwarming and incredibly gratifying. And also frustrating. Because it turns out that their personalities are one third sassy, one third, stubborn, and one third mischievousness.

Oh those two.
We love them madly, we just don’t want to be driven mad by them.

This had led to a huge pile of books on both of our bedside tables. These books have titles like Chaos to Calm, What to do When Time Out Doesn’t Work, Raising the Spirited Child. I must say that I much prefer mysteries. Allthough these are a lot better at putting me to sleep.

The reading had led to another kind of disagreement. But this time between me and The Hubs. We are having a hard time deciding on which style of discipline we want to use. The issue is that while we both want to commit to positive parenting, we are disagreeing on the level of positivity. At our worst moments, we have accused each other of wanting to be their best friends and (me) and treating them like they are both in military school instead. We also can’t seem to agree on the level of rambunctiousness that is expected of five (times two.)

But we do know that we have to be on the same page. So we have been turing to outside sources to find the best methods for taming the beasts (or at least getting them to stop responding to everything we say with but, I mean again they are five not fifteen!) Enter the neutral third party, the internet.

For help with positive parenting, I have been turning to the KidPointz website. In addition to feedback and support, they also have tips from child behavior experts which if nothing else, reassures me that all of this is completely normal.

Reading it has also convinced me that an essential part of our positive parenting should be some kind of reward system. I feel it will motivate them and keep us from only focusing on the negative. I don’t want them to always hear the word no from us. But what is the best way to reward? Should we do points? Stickers? Charts? And what do we reward? Expected things like saying please and thank you or only above and beyond moments like sharing a favorite toy? And what should the rewards be? Treats? Or non-material things like an extra story?

One thing I do know, is we will be utilizing the KidPointz app. You can read a full review here. My favorite part? That we can utilize it on the go. It is important to us that we be consistent with the system!

Disclosure: I was compensated for this post and it also enters me into the Next KidPointz Blogger contest.

Flashback Fridays incorporate posts from my original “mommy blog” They Are So Cute When They Are Sleeping… It’s Only When They Are Awake That I Want to Kill Them. I thought this one was especially appropriate since I am away from my girls today while at BlogHer.

THURSDAY, OCTOBER 15, 2009

I Will Miss Them (but not too much!)

So tomorrow the husband and I leave on a trip to LA and Hawaii, thanks to Marriott. I am in that pre-trip frenzy state where I am not only trying to get the last minute things together (finally going to sign those wills!) but also embarking on the all the unfinished projects I have around the house that I always, for some crazy reason, try to finish before I leave on a trip.

But really there isn’t much left to be done. The house is unusually clean but will be cleaner when I get home since my pathologically clean MIL is coming to sit the girls. I already packed my suitcase (did it last Sunday, because who doesn’t like packing for a trip to Hawaii) and the girls and I did a run to the grocery store this morning to stock up on their breakfast and lunch basics. The only thing left to do it hit the library.

We need to load up on the picture books because the girls, who have always been top notch at being sat, have been exhibiting a lot of separation anxiety lately. Of course they would, how better to make even a mean mommy like me feel guilty as she lays on the sand and drinks blue lavas. They really are clever, those two. Not going is not even in the realm of possibility so I am picking up Llama Llama Misses Mama and The Kissing Hand and calling it a day.

But just in case I start feeling bad between my massage and gourmet dinners (best contest win ever) I decided to make a list of all the things I will not miss.

Things I Will Not Miss:

• Calamity Jane shouting “Pawts!” (translation, “Put me on some Wonder Pets woman!”) throughout the day
• Watching the Wonder Pets
• Desmonda Drama’s exceptionally grumpy mood in the morning. I mean, it’s perfectly understandable that she be grumpy after twelve hours of uninterrupted sleep but I do wish she would stop screaming at me after I have the audacity to serve her the milk she has been asking for since I removed her from the crib.
• Arguments over toys: why is any toy that your sister has always infinitely more interesting than the one you have?
• Struggling through Kindermusik
• Having to unload half my savings into the vending machine so the gym daycare will be tolerable anytime I want to work out (when I don’t even WANT to work out)
• Making the bed, clearing the dishes, and generally being clean so my kids don’t live in filth
• Listening to Desmonda screech at the dog who has been around since she was born but is suddenly terrifying. I mean what’s more terrifying than a five and a half pound daschund chihuahua mix, right?
• Getting up between six thirty and seven every morning

Yep, I will miss their cute little faces but isn’t that what pictures are for?

WEDNESDAY, SEPTEMBER 2, 2009