If you are a blogger, did you ever have a post that sat inside of you until the moment was ripe to write it? After Mom 2.0 this year I wrote a never published post called “Is It Time To Say Goodbye To All This” (to someday be linked from my drafts) about how I felt beaten down by blogging and thought maybe it was time to say goodbye to all of this weird online thing.
The logic was legimiate. Blogging lost me some very important relationships IRL as we say. Family who didn’t get my “voice” online and felt my honesty about parenting was just a little too much. But what stopped me from posting was this blog post from the Bon Bon Break about tribes. My voice is very small. It’s honest to a fault and broken at times. It has nothing BIG to say. Instead it whispers small things in the lowest voice you can hear.
It’s been broken. By fellow bloggers who decided on the opinions of others who I was and then never gave me a second thought. On real life friends who said they didn’t understand the success I had or thought my voice was not authentic enough. But mainly the fault lays with ME who let others define what I was doing with my corner of the internet.
Like many people who write online, I suffer from insecurity and anxiety. I never feel like by battle with my demons or my children’s demons is big enough to garner space. After my own public shaming, I never felt a part of any tribe.
So can you blog without a tribe? Yes. Yes forever. It probably won’t be this space where I blog about toys and beer and travel. My own discomfort with being judged and found not worthy combined with a worry about my amazing daughters being judged on my experience parenting them has led to me being more quiet in long form. But in spaces like Facebook I continue to be open and honest to a fault. It may never lead me to my tribe but it does mean something to me when someone else thinks “yes, it’s not just me” when they read my posts.
I’ve said it before in a whisper and I will say it again in a shout: words matter. When we write, the words we put out there carry weight. I want my words to support others, to let them know that they are not alone. Those words will always be worth being online.