Blogging Without A Tribe

If you are a blogger, did you ever have a post that sat inside of you until the moment was ripe to write it? After Mom 2.0 this year I wrote a never published post called “Is It Time To Say Goodbye To All This” (to someday be linked from my drafts) about how I felt beaten down by blogging and thought maybe it was time to say goodbye to all of this weird online thing.

The logic was legimiate. Blogging lost me some very important relationships IRL as we say. Family who didn’t get my “voice” online and felt my honesty about parenting was just a little too much. But what stopped me from posting was this blog post from the Bon Bon Break about tribes. My voice is very small. It’s honest to a fault and broken at times. It has nothing BIG to say. Instead it whispers small things in the lowest voice you can hear.

It’s been broken. By fellow bloggers who decided on the opinions of others who I was and then never gave me a second thought. On real life friends who said they didn’t understand the success I had or thought my voice was not authentic enough. But mainly the fault lays with ME who let others define what I was doing with my corner of the internet.

Like many people who write online, I suffer from insecurity and anxiety. I never feel like by battle with my demons or my children’s demons is big enough to garner space. After my own public shaming, I never felt a part of any tribe.

So can you blog without a tribe? Yes. Yes forever. It probably won’t be this space where I blog about toys and beer and travel. My own discomfort with being judged and found not worthy combined with a worry about my amazing daughters being judged on my experience parenting them has led to me being more quiet in long form. But in spaces like Facebook I continue to be open and honest to a fault. It may never lead me to my tribe but it does mean something to me when someone else thinks “yes, it’s not just me” when they read my posts.

I’ve said it before in a whisper and I will say it again in a shout: words matter. When we write, the words we put out there carry weight. I want my words to support others, to let them know that they are not alone. Those words will always be worth being online.

Comments

  1. Your words matter … they matter to you and to your heart and to the place inside of you that feels the need to share them.
    And for those of us who read them, and nod in agreement, and smile because we picture you saying them to us … we know you, your voice, your heart.
    Never underestimate the value of your voice … and you certainly always have a tribe.
    Love to you my dear. BIG love.

  2. I’m honored to be in your tribe. The honesty and perspective from your writing here or on other social platforms teach me to be a better person. I’m very lucky to be a blog and IRL friend.

  3. I am shaking my head in agreement…
    I often feel as though I’m out in limbo and my words float & just hang there. But they’re heard, just as yours are heard too.
    Keep plugging away…because your words matter and I would miss them; ALL of them.
    Hope to see you IRL soon!
    xoxo

  4. I get what you’re saying but I think we are part of a tribe. I totally see/feel the same way but then I think about people like you, who I really have connected with and I feel at home in this space. We’re not the loudest party in the room but we still matter and seeing you was seeing my tribe member last week. 🙂

    • Yes, that’s true, I think there is a growing tribe of us who just connect on a more personal level through personality or similar likes. It doesn’t have to be about being part of a group that thinks or writes or lives the same way. I forget that. When I read about tribes and them being together at conferences, I do feel a little sorry for them that they are missing out on meeting new people. I was so glad we were able to run into each other randomly and then connect. That wouldn’t have happened if we were always with the same people.

  5. Hugs. I don’t have a tribe either. I write inconsistencly and a few read. I’m sorry you have been wrongly judged. That’s just not right.

  6. Yes, words matter. Sometimes writing for yourself is the only thing someone needs to release the weight of something that has been dragging them down. Writing is therapeutic, even if nobody is readying it. BUT… You are judging yourself by a tribe that you do (or in this case, don’t) see. You cannot do that, Kate. You have a tribe… You just don’t see us because we don’t always leave comments. I am this time and hopefully the other members of your secret tribe will do the same.

  7. Hey, I just wanted to take a minute to tell you to try not to worry about these people. There are always going to be people out there to criticize no matter what you do or don’t do. It’s like a hobby for them. Some people scrapbook, others spend there time deciding what everyone else is doing wrong according to their internal (and often unshared) criteria. Sorry if I’ve gotten this wrong, but don’t your girls have some medical issues? My son does, and after years and years of having people freely express their opinions on what I should and shouldn’t do (usually the opposite of what I was or wasn’t doing), I finally came to the conclusion that I just don’t want to hear it unless that person too had the privilege and daunting challenge of parenting a child with chronic medical issues or special needs. Parenting is hard no matter what – it’s even harder when you have to do it without support from a tribe for a child that doesn’t fit in the usual mold. Which brings me to your IRL ‘friends” I’m not sure they were much of a loss. Friends are supposed to lift you up or at the very least provide support so you don’t fall down. Is that was those friends were doing for you? Did you feel better or worse about yourself after spending time with them? If the latter, you may want to reevaluate, IMO. Please take care of yourself and your family. And keep writing for you.

  8. I am also in a place of wondering if I should keep on blogging. Is it worthwhile? I don’t know. Is anyone listening? No idea. The Pinterest traffic days inflated my traffic so much that I got lazy & now that I’ve lost it all: why? If I wrote heartfelt stuff like you do, would anyone read? I know that I read yours & enjoy it even though we aren’t necessarily in the same “tribe”. Are there other people like me out there?

    • I think many of us are at the point where we are writing just because it’s what we did. Or we get sponsored posts from time to time. I never had a core group of followers so I don’t know what that is like. I think I would miss that if I had it at one time but now I just write random stuff.

  9. Parenting is hard. Marriage is hard. Finding grown up ladyfriends is hard. Writing is relatively easy but finding the time to write is hard. Finding the impetus to write when you feel like people are condemning your words and choices is ridiculously hard.

    Island of Misfit Mombloggers? I am right there with you.

  10. Yes, words matter. They are what connects us, inspires us. They bring us solace and make us think. They teach us, challenge us, and are beautiful. But they can hurt and bewilder. Finding our way in life — “real” or online — is hard and words often provide a path forward and through. Each voice is important…… The world of blogging sometimes dilutes the words… But know there are many like us who have commented here who say please continue to share your words.

  11. Kate, don’t get to caught up in looking for your tribe. The thing is, they find you. And by the looks of the comments here, they have and you are in good company. Your words matter. Whether you have 100 people reading you a day or a million. They matter to someone. That’s what keeps me going. That and the fact that I can’t leave all these words in my head or I’ll go a bit mad! Please keep going. Be you. Unapologetically YOU!

  12. I think there’s a fallacy somewhere that says your tribe has to be within your niche of people. The tribe I found was a group of women who just support each other, though not necessarily in the same place in life or even in their blogs. I think every voice has value and we should all just keep swimming. FWIW, I think you’re an honest writer with a kind heart. Stay true to you.

  13. You’re not alone and I’m pretty sure you’re reading my mind.

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